Thursday, June 24, 2010

Here's to "hanging onto the past" haha.


So apparently I have "entirely WAY to much time on their hands. I personally have better things to do than to hang onto the past, rant and rave about the way people act, and go on and on about the stupidity of the world. Oh wait.....that's what she was complaining about people doing......as she was typing and doing it herself."



So I am going to sit here again and completely waste my time "hanging onto the past" about what this bitch did to my family and I. I am done hiding it, I am done not saying what she put me through in order to extract her "revenge" on me and all the lies she made up to try to destroy my family.


These are messages that I was sent towards the "end" of this ongoing battle.



Between You and S.


March 31 at 12:58am



S


Hey. I have some things I want to say. First of all, I want to apologize for all of the mean things that have been said and done. Here lately I've gotten some serious news about my health and it has made me rethink a lot of things. I"m not sure why I've drug things about the way I have. And I'm sorry the situation with Olivia blew up like it did. When we talked that night at my house you said you understood why I had to report it...I had no intentions of NCIS interviewing anyone or anything further happen. I know you may not choose to accept my apology, but as I look back at the person I have been the past 6-8 months since I"ve been here I am not happy with it. I"m not sure why I"ve been so down and depressed, but it has caused me to truly be a negative person and I just want to apologize and let you know from here on out I am done being that person and there won't be any more drama coming from my end.



March 31 at 1:32am


 Erica Roach



I very much appreciate your apology. I have not had any ill will towards you in a while. I have gotten through everything that has happened and grown as a person. Everything that has happened has taught me a lot and made me realize a lot of things about myself and change the person I am for the better. From what I have noticed, in general when serious issues happen it makes you rethink a lot of things that you have done and ways that you have acted and you figure out what you should or shouldn't have done. I ignored you for a reason, the texts, the statuses, etc. There was nothing I could say to stop the way you felt and what you thought or said, so me responding would have done nothing but egg the situation on more and keep things going. I knew eventually things would come to a head at some point. From what I have learned through the last few months, you need to look deep inside yourself and figure out what you are unhappy with and don't stop fixing it and figuring it out until you are exactly where you want to be. I am sorry for what I have done to add to this situation. And I hope everything with your health turns out ok.


March 31 at 1:38am



S



Thank you. I'm not sure why, but ever since we moved here I have been a not good person. Very grinchy if I must say. And that's not the type of person I am. If you can think back to before we met and compare that to who I was when I got here you can probably see the difference. I am over all of the he said/she said. And yes, you're right things like that make you rethinking things quickly and I'll be the first to admit I've been a very ugly person. Honestly, that text I sent you...I wanted to say "i miss you"...I think this new insight I have gained will make it possible for me to turn things around :)



 March 31 at 1:43am



Erica Roach


Your welcome. I think everything happens for a reason, whether it's a good reason or a bad one. You were different from back then. But so was I. I was just coming out of an insanely negative place and time in my life and I was in denial a lot about damn near everything in my life. I don't pay attention to what others say because I've come to realize that A LOT of people love to revel in other people's problems. They like to see the drama but not be "a part" of it. So unless I hear it straight from the person, I don't believe it. I also don't let things get to me any more. The last time you text me I wanted to reply, but I didn't because I didn't know what to say or why you were texting me. When I took a good look at myself at the end of December, the person I had become and the things I said/did. I was disgusted. I wasn't me. So I did everything in my power to get me back. I'm still not 100% there, but I'm not far. I used to love gossiping, talking shit, drama, etc etc. But I've realized it only causes pain. And we as a whole, navy wives, go through enough pain with our lifestyle that we shouldn't be constantly inflicting pain on each other. We should be helping each other grow and become better people, wives, mothers, friends etc...


March 31 at 1:47am



S


Yea, that's what I started saying in the beginning we should all be here to help one another. And you're right...I don't know how but I turned into a crappy person and after friday (first off-I found out the baby was a boy :(....second of all I found out that due to the miscarriage I have tumors on my ovaries and have to find out if they're cancerous tomorrow) I realized life is too short. And to be honest it didnt' help me to be around someone who was always reading everyone's profiles and telling me what they said. So, I've re-evaluated some things and decided that I"m going back to who I used to be. I agree, the gossipping and talking shit is not fun for anyone. And like I just told Courtney...its often more exhausing than it's worth. I think with you I talked so much because I was so upset that our friendship ended. So, even though I was talking crap it was bc I wasn't over it completely. IF that makes sense.


March 31 at 1:48am



S


also, i don't think it helped that the minute i met "a" she started telling me everything you had said to her and I"m like wtf...but it's all in the past now :)



 March 31 at 2:00am



Erica Roach


I am sorry to hear about the baby and the tumors. That is awful. I hope they aren't cancerous and that they can get rid of them. No it definitely doesn't help when people add to the situation. When people were doing that with me, after a while I told them I didn't want to hear it any more and that I didn't care. Because it was just the same stuff, over and over again. Nothing was ending, nothing new was happening, there was no point to keep dwelling on it. I wasn't gaining anything wondering and talking about what you or Caitlin where saying about me. It got to the point where I really didn't care. Neither of you were in my life and I didn't see you guys so it didn't bother me. I mean I don't know why anything happened the way it did, but at least now everything is now in the open and laid out on the table. I am sorry if I made you think that I did or allowed something to happen to Olivia. I took care of them like they were my children. The DCF, JSO, NCIS was too much, it sent me over the edge and it was a good thing that we didn't see each other for a long time. I don't know what would have happened but I probably would have started shit. I don't even know why our friendship ended, I just wanted things to calm down that night at the bar.


March 31 at 2:06am



S


Yea, well I was upset and I overreacted at the bar. Honestly all I wanted to do was talk to you about what happened with Olivia. I don't believe that you or ryan did anything. To be honest the only reason I called dcf was bc i was afraid at the new babysitter if she did that then they would call and would accuse us. That's why I tried to explain it to you that day. I was just so confused because you woudl tell me one thing that happened (like the what she was chewing on) and then mikayla told Courtney something else. Like I told you kids will do things, eat things, say things, and that wasn't so much my problem. And, I"m sorry that I told others that situation and made it sound like it was probably worse than it really was.

I have stopped being friends with Caitlin because it adds too much negativity and I don't wanna be at the bar all of the time. And if my friends can't understand that then they have no place in my life. But, all of this medical stuff has made me realize that and I'm trying to do what's best for me and my family.

Yea, I felt that same where I just didn't care what anyone was saying but it didnt' help that it was constantly thrown in my face by Caitlin reading stuff and then telling me. And it gave me an outlet to sit and talk to her about it and I think that just fueled the fire inside of me. But, I'm done with all of that and I don't wanna be around people that I talk about or that talk about me. I just want to be normal adults, instead of being drug into the immaturity of all of this crap that has been going on. Maybe someday in the future we can be friends again :)


March 31 at 2:20am

Erica Roach

I think everyone in that situation over reacted and I definitely think that having alcohol mixed in did not help anything at all. I understand, just like I understood then your reasoning. But when it didn't stop is when it got to be too much. I think with everyone there was so much going on, so much anger that everything just got blown way out of proportion and lots of things were done and said that shouldn't have. I've never been a stranger to people knowing my business on this base, that doesn't bother me at all. The people who don't care about my past are the ones that need to be in my life. I agree that some people just add too much negativity and don't understand a lot of things. Especially people who don't have the same responsibilities. After everything went down with us, I realized that I wasn't doing a lot of things that were priorities in my life and I changed that. If I wanted to get drunk, I did it at home or at a friends house. I became a stay at home mom because I want to be around my kids. They are my life and I wasn't going a very good job. I wasn't being a good wife. Whenever my husband was home, I would leave. I rearranged my priorities and the people that didn't like it exited my life quickly. Caitlin likes to contribute to keeping problems going, I don't know why but that's how it was when it was her and I vs. Caroline and Mikayla and them. Since everything went down, I realized a lot about the way she treated me and that I had let her get away with a lot of things that I would never normally have let someone do to me. With the Annelisse situation, we were all talking about drama and how it seems to be insane here at Mayport and we where just talking about situations. I've never been shy to not let anyone know what's happened in my life. If they had known Caroline, I would have told them what went down with us. All I said to her was that DCF and NCIS had been involved and that since then I don't put up with anyone who brings drama into my life. But that was then and now I try not to dwell on the past. There's nothing I can change about what has already happened, I can just try to make things better for the present and future.


March 31 at 2:26am

S

I agree, I'm over the drama and the negativity. And you're right I have let Caitlin push me over a lot as well. Although it seems like I"m more controlling when I find someone who I think is a good friend I sorta let them run things. And I was trying to be a good friend and got caught up in it so much. So, I guess you could say I've pulled something good outta my health issue. From here on out I"m not going to discuss anyone with anyone bc honestly that's not who I truly am. And I agree with teh stay at home mom stuff.. and drinking at the bar. At first it was to get away, but then it became a habit almost and when I decided I didn't wanna go it got a crappy reaction from Caitlin. So, I have been getting rid of the bad and working on becoming who I was, not who I had become. If I"m not happy with myself than how can I expect myself to attract good people. And, you're right alcohol did have a lot to do with the stuff being said/done. Well, just so you know with NCIS it was months after everything blew over that they called us adn asked us for an interview. and I'm like wtf...so it wasn't us stirring up stuff again. But, overall I"m just done with all of the wars and this group against that group...I just don't have the energy for it anymore and honestly...it's not even worth it. I realized that when I saw Court at the gas station Friday and I was with Lindsey. I loved that she had no clue who courtney was and that there wasn't a 30 minute conversation about seeing her. Just glad I've began to open my eyes to what was really going on and who I had become ya know?

March 31 at 2:34am

Erica Roach

I agree. Sometimes when we care about people, we let them do things normally wouldn't happen. There should always be a positive in every bad situation. And if it helps better you as a person, then it's even better. Honestly, I have been so much happier and have not had any problems since I stopped shit talking people. I mean, not every day is rainbows and butterflies or anything, there are still bad days but they are way less than what they used to be. And from what I've seen, if you're a negative person or in a negative place, the people around you most likely will be similar or at least feel similarly. I know that you guys didn't call NCIS, they explained that to me when I went to see them. I'm glad that you are seeing things positively and trying to make things better for yourself. It truly is nice to not have constant problems and to have fun doing things other than talking about people or starting things. Yeah that is a nice feeling, to not have to explain "x" amount of months of bullshit to people who don't know the situation. It's always a very nice feeling to be able to take a good look around and to see things from a different perspective and to know that somethings have to change to make things better.





 ----------------------------------------------------------





This is what was sent to one of my best friends the night that all of this started. Oct 2, 2009



Stacey Michelle: R u mad?!
Stacey Michelle: Really?!?!
Stacey Michelle: K bye
Stacey Michelle: I am comong to find ur skannk ass
Stacey Michelle: Ima fuck ur life up
Stacey Michelle: Fuck u bitch!!!
Mikayla Lee: Wtf?
Mikayla Lee: Come on. Come find me.
Stacey Michelle: Ur life has done been fucked up
Stacey Michelle: Fuck u skankass hoe watch ur back
Stacey Michelle: Really?? I know where u r hoe
Stacey Michelle: U bout it hoe come see me with ur fucked up baby
Stacey Michelle: Come to my housr if ur so bout it

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile





The night that this message via BBM happened, some friends and I had gone downtown to the Landing for a Joe Nichols concert on a Fri. After being there for about 45 mins to an hour, we decided that it was way too crowded and we all were uncomfortable. We decided to find a bar to go to and on the way we decided to go to a bar called Cap'n Odies just up the road from the Mayport base. At the time our "friends" were there so we decided to go too. I had been babysitting for her for about 3 weeks prior to this happening. Two days before she  had text me saying that her husbands command approached him at work and told him that he better not have anyone on base who isn't CDH trained, watching his kids. So I got a text message pretty much saying  that I wasn't going to be able to watch the kids anymore. I got pretty upset, I am a stay at home mom. I'm  with my kids all the time. Having the extra money was nice. There were some events going on with my  mother in law at the time as well that were stressing me out. Her cancer had flared up and she was starting  chemo for the first time in quite a while and we were all concerned about her going through it again. I ended up calling the woman in charge at the CDH and proceeded to be told that I could watch the kids until a spot opened up for them in a couple weeks. So I repeated exactly what I was told. I later found out that she thought that I was lying about that, but that's besides the point. She had told me that Friday was my last day babysitting the kids. We got to the bar, got a few drinks and I was talking with two of my friends and she asked if I could talk with her in the bathroom. I agreed. We went in there and she started trying to explain why she didn't want me to babysit the kids anymore. And then proceeded to ask me what had been going on with me, cause I was acting weird like all week. I started to explain to her about my mother in law and she practically called me a liar. My friend came into the bathroom because I had my purse with me which had her cigarettes in it. The two of them never really got along and they ended up in an argument. I pushed my friend out of the bathroom and turned around and told Stacey to calm down. She then brought up something very personal about my son and said "fuck you" to me. My friends and I left the bar and went back to my house. She proceeded to send numerous text messages to my phone in a two and a half hour period along with the BBM to my friend. 

The text messages I received where Oct 2, 2000

-Have my shit ready by noon dennis will be there to get it

-U gna have our stuff ready?

- if you don't respond ill be at ur door tonite

- on my way pls have my childs stuff ready k?!

- yes or no will u have my shit ready or do i gotta come get it now?!

- Bitch fuck you

- Come to my house cunt let's do this fair!!

- Fuck u u skank ass bitch

- Okay skank ass bitch

All of these took place in a two hour period. In which my phone was dead, charging in the house while my husband and our friends were on our back patio talking about everything that had happened and why they happened. Before any of this had happened, my friend Mikayla and her husband Chris, myself and our friend Moe had packed up all of the kids stuff and they took it to her house and set it neatly in front of her door. She claimed later on that they threw it all over her yard though. Shortly after I saw all the missed text messages from her, Mikayla saw the bbm's on her phone. Due to the threat we decided to see what the police could do. Meanwhile my husband was talking to her husband and her husband had said that nothing more would happen and she wouldn't contact us again. My husband let it slip that we were going to the base police with her text messages. We did end up going but they told us to go see the JSO, Jacksonville Security Officers. While we where there, Mikayla got a few text messages, now this was coming up on 3:30 in the morning by the way. The cop saw the messages and the last one both her and I received was "Can we talk?" Two days later, Mikayla had a restraining order on her. 



Through time, more bs happened but it was stupid petty stuff. Then it got serious. She called Department of Child Services on me. Claiming that either her daughter saw something inappropriate or something had happened to her while I was watching her. We never heard from DCF about it. In fact they made an appointment with us via Fleet and Family Services, but canceled it. Further stuff was happening.I have adapted fairly well to how some military wives are. The talking never has bothered me. "My haters make me famous" hah. 

But when NCIS got involved, that's when I had had more than enough. The day that happened started when my husband called me telling me that an agent from NCIS was trying to reach me. So I spent the better half of my morning trying to get a hold of this guy. When I finally did he asked me some questions and asked if I was able to come in that day. I believe we set the appointment time for 1:30pm and he had said I would probably be there for an hour to hour and a half. So I called Mikayla and she came over to watch my kids for me so they didn't have to come.

When I got there, I won't lie, I was nervous. I knew that this was just another one of her ploys to get to me. Why? I couldn't honestly tell you. I have my theories though. I went into the office with two agents and proceeded to tell my side of the story. From day 1. When I started talking to her until that day. I showed them the text messages that were saved in my phone, showed them my harassment claim against her that I filed. After I wrote out my statement, he advised me to save everything, every text, email, message, phone call log, everything. So I did. I have saved everything. Wrote down the times and exact text, every time she would get drunk and text me at "random" at all hours of the night. I am very meticulous and due to the situation, the NCIS agent had advised me to have my own stuff set just in case there was more bullshit to happen. And if that's me dwindling in the past, then you will have to forgive me. How many of you have had DCF called on you out of spite? How many of you have been accused of heinous things you would NEVER do? All because someone didn't get their way and got pissed off and sought out revenge? How many of you truly know more than half the people you trust? Or associate with? Because sometimes, you never really, truly know a person. Until you see the worst possible side of them imaginable. How many of you know someone who is WILLING to try to get someone charged with CHILD NEGLECT, over nothing? Ohhh yeah people. She openly told NCIS she wanted me to get charged with Child Neglect. But yet, claimed in one of those messages earlier that she didn't want NCIS involved and had nothing to do with it! Bet ya didn't think I knew that one huh? I know a lot that people, I'm sure who will be reading this, would never have expected me to know.  So where's your proof that I did anything?

I'd like to know how I am the bad person here? While she was out doing anything and everything in her power to make me look and to make people think I am a fucking child molester or would allow something like that to happen under my roof while I'm awake and babysitting. I'm sorry, a lot of bad shit happens to kids, but there is no way in hell anything happened or would happen under my watch. I am not the one with the issues. Far from it. I have my problems, my demons, my mistakes. 

You can put on your status anything and everything you want about me. I could care less. You can block me, unblock me, add my friends, etc. It doesn't bother me. You haven't and won't change.  And you know, I almost wanted to believe you when you said you were sorry and that you didn't mean anything. But then I remembered that you just couldn't keep it to yourself that you told the authorities that you wanted me charged with child neglect.

So you can sit around all day and assume that every blog I write, every status I post is about you. I don't care. If you think I'm jealous of you, you are delusional. There is nothing to be jealous of. In fact, I pity you. I pity the fact that this stuff is how you react to someone telling you to calm down. That you would intentionally go out of your way to hurt someone so severe. I feel bad that you have been so depressed that you want someone else more miserable with you and then turn around and act like you did NOTHING wrong. That it's all me and my "crazy" friends who are "OBSESSED" with you. If you read all the facts, you are the one that is obsessed. What have any of us done to you? Got a restraining order, a harassment claim against you? Yup. That's it. None of us called DCF or NCIS or lied about you or spread your business. Well I guess now I have but the fact that I highly doubt you have told ANYONE the truth about this in full detail, is highly unlikely. 


And to anyone who reads this, this is MY blog. I can write anything and everything I want to write. It doesn't matter if it happened 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago. You don't like it? Don't fucking read it. Say anything you want, this is my personal space to vent and write about me and what goes on in my life.

4 readers thoughts:

Mikayla Lee said...

I love you babe!!! and this blog was DEFF needed, so everyone could finally see her lies. Of course, she will do her usual "oh no, they could have edited my messages" crap, and thats fine if she does. Bc we can always take screen shots of EVERYTHING she said in its entirety.

Erica said...

Of course. I finally had had it, I guess. Couldn't hold it in anymore. I don't care what lies she comes up with to explain her way out of it. Not that I care either way. I care that people are judging me based on things that she says. She has no idea the person I am. It never mattered to her. It matter that I was in a really bad place before we became friends. And that made it easy for me to end up hurt.

Amanda♥Lynne said...

Erica, I am so sorry. I never did know the details of the situation that happened. It really does break my heart to now know exactly what went on. I just want you to know that no matter what anyone says, you can talk about it all you want on your blog. That's what a blog is. To get your feelings out, to vent. And when something happens that affects you as deeply as this situation did, it makes sense that you just need to talk it out until it doesn't sit in your brain anymore. I know that feeling well, and it's icky. Especially when you still feel like it keeps coming up over an over, AND that there are a lot of people who may not have heard your side of the story. Again, I am sorry that all of that went down. It was a sucky situation all-around. I pray that soon everyone involved can truly let go of it, and it won't come up anymore or cause any more hurt over it. I sometimes think how wonderful it would be to be able to just erase painful memories. But then I remember that those low points in life are what shapes our character. You can look back on the situation now and see places you could have done better, but also see points where your true colors came out. And also how much you've GROWN since then.

Erica said...

Thank you Mandy. I am just sick of ignoring it, trying to get over all of it and getting shit on. Every two seconds I am getting asked things by people that she told lies to. Every time I turn around outright lies are being told. I finally made peace with myself, I realized that I don't care what people say to me about it. Positive or negative. There's not much else that she can do to me. She doesn't have a hold on me anymore. The people that I want and need in my life, know or will know what she put me through and won't care about it. They will see that I tried to ignore it, I tried to get it to stop. She refused to stop. She kept escalating the situation.

And I have grown so much since all of it happened. I have MUCH better instincts on people now, I don't trust people easily anymore.