Monday, January 18, 2010

Dwelling on Past anger, not anymore.

I wrote this awhile ago in a journal so to speak. I have never read it to anyone before, but I am ready to publish it to close this chapter in my life and begin a new page.

It came at a time where a lot of thing in my life fell apart and it is straight forward, brutally honest and angry. You have been forewarned :)


I am done letting people walk all over me, I'm done letting "friends" tell me what to do and who I can or can't be around. A huge portion of the people that I have called friend here have talked badly about me behind my back, spread my business after I've gone to them in confidence, done extremely hurtful things without thinking of the consequences of their actions before they acted out of spite; Been my friend to my face and not been behind my back as soon as I have walked away.

I hope you realize that the truth ALWAYS comes out. In one way or another. Sometimes it's not meant to, but it does. I have and will continue to keep finding out everything that is done or said behind my back. What I don't understand is why bother pretending and lying? Why take the time to keep up a false pretense? If you have such a problem with my, my life, the things I do; then be big and bad like you have been behind my back and grow some balls and say it to me. I'm sure I will be perfectly fine hearing everything from your actual mouth instead of from other people.

I just don't get how people can be so hurtful and deceiving. I have done everything I am capable of to be as good of a friend to everyone I am currently or have been friends with
despite how many times I have been screwed over. And this is the thanks I get. No one here knows me here in Florida the way my friends in New York do. No one here knows the bitch that lays dormant. I have tried to refrain from being that bitchy since I have been here, but I'm done. You want to run your mouth and try to hurt my family and I? I'm going to give you something to talk about and someone to hate. I'm done with this crap. I don't need this ridiculous, highschool drama. Call DCF on me every time you think you can try to get my kids taken cause you're pissed off at me. Keep doing it and you'll be in trouble with them for making false reports. I'm finished with this bored navy wives around here who think that their shit doesn't stink and that they are better than everyone else for some ungodly reason. You think I'm fun to talk about now? Hah. I'll become your worst nightmare come true.

So I hope somewhere in your brain you can summon feelings of guilt for the shit you have attempted to put me through. Try to feel some remorse because you're the one in the wrong. You're the one keeping it going, you can't let go for whatever reason. If you can't do these things, than obviously you're the one that needs help. If you can truly be ok after everything that you have done, I pity you. You must really be miserable and insecure with your own life. I have never been afraid to admit that I have messed up. I have done some crappy things, NOTHING of this capacity though. If I know I was in the wrong, I will own up to my mistakes. It's part of being an adult. Apparently you have yet to grasp that yet. There's nothing that can be done now except admitting what you have done is wrong and drop it. Be honest for one. Stop hiding behind lies and fake apologies. It's not worth it in the long run. Karma will come back and bite you in the ass for all the wrongs you have done and all the pain you have caused.


That was really hard to write. I could feel the anger in it as I wrote it. Brought me right back to where I was when I sat down one day on my patio to write it. Hopefully now that it's in the open, I can move on from being that angry person that I had become for a while.

If that happens, one step of my goals for this year has been complete. Again, I apologize for putting you through that. But I feel it was necessary to get it out there so I can put it behind me.

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