Thursday, January 14, 2010

Just a thought.

I was having a late night chat with a good friend of mine last night and during our talk, I realized just how much I have changed as a person in the last year. I used to consider myself lucky. But I know how lucky I am now. I have an amazing family. I love my husband more today than I ever have. With him leaving soon on deployment, I am really counting my blessings. I have not had a long separation from him since I moved down here 2.5 years ago. Before that we were apart for 1.5 years. We have been spending a lot of time together, and I count myself lucky that I have some time to spend with him before he goes. I feel for my friends whose husbands are deployed already. I will be in the same boat with them here shortly. These girls are so strong and I admire them so much. I just hope that I can be that strong, for my kids and myself. I know me being a hot mess wouldn't help anyone.

My children. What to say. I didn't know that I could love anyone the way I love my kids. They are amazing. From the constant, "ma-ma-ma-ma!" babble of Keegan, seeing him start to walk, and playing with his toys. To Kaley constantly learning new things, her reading and writing. How intelligent she is. She can carry on a conversation better than some adults that I know. I could sit here all day and write down every little detail about my children that I absolutely adore. I wouldn't have enough space though. They keep me on my toes, they are always there when I need a laugh, when I need to cry or just when I want to play. I love watching them interact with each other. They are so close already, I can't wait to see how they are when they're older.

To my wonderful friends. How can I accurately describe where I would be without you? Regardless of the nasty things that someone has tried to spread about me, to tear down the life I have created for my family and myself. You have had unwavering loyalty to me and have defending me every step of the way. You have never questioned what was said to be the truth. You have stood by me regardless of how the events have turned. I can not tell you how much that means to me. I have only experienced friendship like this with my friends in New York. And to have you at the level of my friends back home, means so much to me. I have had one friend here who, regardless of our situation at times, was there for me through the hardest time of my life. Was there at the drop of a hat when I would call her hysterically crying. Would just sit with me and let me complain instead of telling me how negative I was being. She was my rock. My support. Though for a time we parted ways, I could never bring myself to not care for her or even to dislike her. She did way to much for me. And through current situations, she has been there every step of the way. Rushing to my side if I need her. Being my rock, my stronghold. You know who you are, and I don't know what I would do without you. I am truly blessed to be able to have such wonderful friends here in Florida. Despite any bad situations, I have a GREAT group of friends who mean the world to me. I'd do anything for them.

Simple things like the love of a family and the strength of a friendship, is what matters. Some people just don't realize how truly lucky they are. Those are the people that I feel bad for. People stuck in toxic relationships. Regardless of whether it's a marriage or friendship. It will only bring you down. Toxic people only do things to benefit themselves. It doesn't matter how good of a relationship or friendship you think that you have, all that will happen is you will end up hurt. People shouldn't have friendships that aren't 50/50. You shouldn't be there to help someone constantly and not receive the same thing in return when you are in need. You shouldn't have to deal with constant lies and drama being brought into your life. Especially if it's unwanted. A good friend and person would recognize that you don't want to hear it, you don't care about it and they wouldn't bring it around you. You wouldn't be caught in the middle, knowing that you are being told lies and not knowing what to do because of the fear of vengeance. People are cruel, they are twisted and manipulative. Some people just crave the attention of being the "victim" gets them. They make up lies and manipulate situations into their favor to try to look like they've done nothing wrong. But at the same time, they don't care enough to look into the serious consequences of some things that they try to do for "retribution." They only see their goal of hurting someone. They don't realize how serious some accusations are. How much trouble could follow their victim, how much pain they are actually causing. They don't realize, or care I'm sure.


3 readers thoughts:

Mikayla said...

Boo, you whore, for being so sweet and messing with my hormones on this blog!!! lol!

i love you too babe and im glad we have made it thru so much together!!!!

Erica Ann said...

I knew that you would know it was you that I was talking about. It's just straight up truth :) a little more emotion than I gave you last night! Love you, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. You'll be sick of me and banish me away!!

Mikayla Lee said...

haha, you WISH i would banish you! sorry love, ur stuck with me foreverrrrrrrr! lol