No sleep tonight.

It's almost 1:30 am. And I am up making sure that everything for my husbands work up is washed, dried and packed where it needs to go. When he got home from work, we had to rush around because he forgot what he said where a few items. Which in the long run ended up costing around $100. So we finally get home, get the kiddos off to bed, quite late, and I start making sure that everything is washed. I am in the process of packing his bathroom stuff and I feel something start dripping down my finger. I freakin' cut my finger open on his damn razor, and it's not a little cut either, it's deep and it didn't stop bleeding for quite a while. To make things EVEN better, he tells me that his buttons on his cammies are falling off so I need to sew them. And anyone who knows me, knows that I am HORRIBLE at sewing. I get 3 buttons down and proceed to poke myself with the damn needle countless times. Finally I finish the buttons and start washing them, and am able to sit down and relax for a few minutes. And I realize, that this really fucking sucks. Not the fact that I have been bleeding from various cuts/pokes for the last hour or so, but the fact that I am sitting here and probably will be for another 2 hours packing my husband up to leave. It sucks, I don't want to do it, because here soon I'm going to have to do it again for the long run. And I don't want to do that even more. I know I'm being the most selfish person ever right now but I don't care. I don't want him to go, hell we just had a fight today that we haven't even talked about yet. But I'm going to stay up like a good wife, wash his clothes and pack his bag. Make sure he has everything cause Lord knows he'll forget something if I don't double check. And then I will sit at home tomorrow with my kids knowing that he won't be home until late, again, then have to bring him to the squadron at the crack of dawn and say goodbye to him. I will do it with a smile on my face, instead of tears, I'll save them for after. Because I don't want him to know how much I don't want him to go. I don't want it to hurt him. Cause this is something he's looking forward to, finally experiencing a deployment and work ups. Not just feeling like he's on shore duty while in reality he's sea duty. And while he's gone, I get to pack up my house, throw what we don't need away and organize. Because before I know it, he'll be gone again.