Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Random thoughts of upcoming months.

It's 15 minutes to midnight and I'm just laying here on my sectional, sad. I'm chatting with a friend of mine who's in the army and listening to sad, depressing songs. It's only at night when my husband and kids are asleep that I get like this. I don't let anyone see how truly sad I am that he's leaving so soon. I mean I'm totally fine with these 2 week, 1 month or whatever work ups. But 6 or more months.... that's so long. I know that people do it all the time and for longer too. I think I'm just scared cause this is our first one. I don't know what to expect, I don't know who to contact if I need to. I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself not having him around for that long. I know that after a while I will be in my own routine and schedule and it will be as normal as possible giving the circumstances. But what do you do when they get back? How to you revert back to what you were doing before you made a completely different way of life while he's gone? I seriously think that if I wasn't going back home for a little while, I'd probably lose my mind. Situations like this make me form too many questions and I have no idea who to ask them to.

I have no idea how some women do it. Some people have to go through 12 month tours or longer, some people have to go through deployments ever year or every other year. Maybe after you've been through one, you're strong enough to make it through the rest and know what to expect. But what do you do when you are going into something so big, blindfolded? Do you just jump head first, blindly, not knowing what to do and just let the cards fall as they may? Or do you just go with what you have been told and try to take others advice?

On that note, what do you do when you are so used to your spouse being gone, when he isn't gone anymore? Whether it be shore duty or getting out of the military. This life that we have all chosen has so many difficulties scattered through everyone's journey. It's a miracle that you stay sane through all the twists and turns.

3 readers thoughts:

Mikayla Lee said...

my advice and experience? i much preffered getting 3 weeks notice he was deploying. that way, we were so freaking busy i barely had time to get sad until he was already gone. this lead up to deployment hurt alot more than the last, bc i had more time to dwell on sad thoughts.

basically love, just jump into it. Dont be ashamed to cry, to be depressed, to be mad. We ALL go thru those emotions during a deployment at one time or another. And it truly helps to know that other wives from the ship are feeling the exact same way as you, at the exact same time. misery loves company, right? lol!

Deployment doesnt get easier, you just get more used to it with each week that passes. and once you hit the 3-4 month mark, ur halfway thru and its allll downhill from there!

The hardest part is that the kids have to suffer. and of course, bc we are good mommas, we suffer even more bc they are. But we just have to remember we have it alot easier than wives did 20-30 years ago. they didnt have email and BARELY got calls, and had to wait sometimes months for 1 letter. so thankgod technology is on our side now lol!!!

The best advice i have ever been given for deployment, and i redistribute it to everyone lol, is to cry. no seriously, cry. lol. in my opinion, crying is a good natural emotion, to help purge your soul, heart, and mind of all sadness. Nothing to be ashamed of.

I'll send you tissues to NY, my love! <3

Danielle said...

I am agreeing with Mikayla!

Erica Ann said...

Thank you ladies! I'm just all over the place with my emotions lately. Just not used to not being in control of my emotions. It stresses me out bad.