Thursday, January 21, 2010

Time Heals All Wounds? Really?

Does time really heal all wounds? I find myself in the midst of completing another phase of my self improvement goal, moving on from past pain. I'd like to believe that if you put a substantial amount of effort into moving on that after time, you won't be hurt anymore. But are there things in life that happen, wounds so to speak, that time can really mend? Can one person fully get over every bad thing that has happened? I read this article,, and it made things a bit clearer for me.

No one can help you get out of the past except for yourself. If you don't take the initiative to help yourself, why should someone else try? If you decide that you want to be stuck in negativity and constantly dwell on things that you can not change, who is going to want to be around you? Personally, I don't think that "time heals all wounds." Time just passes. But while time is passing we are the ones who heal all wounds.

I was stuck in the past for a long time. Played each wrong over and over and over. I was obsessed with my own pain. It's all I could talk about, think about, dream about I'm sure. I was a ticking time bomb of negativity and bitterness. I hated the world and thought the world hated me. I didn't understand why it felt like the world had turned its back on me. Why I was so miserable when it seemed that everyone around me was flowing with joy and happiness. I was too angry to forgive, too blind to see I was hurting myself more, too bitter to realize that I needed to help myself.

I knew that I was negative, there was no way to deny it. I tried to justify it, saying that I had been through so much, too much to not be negative. How could there be anything positive out of what was going on in my life at the time? I grew unsympathetic, angry, cold. I thought I was a victim. I wasn't me anymore. This horrendous monster took form of my mind and body. I felt trapped, didn't know what to do, was so sick of the vicious cycle I had somehow allowed myself to get caught in.

It took me a long time to be able to admit all those things. It took me a long time to get out of the insane funk that I was circling through. I did what I could, I found someone who I could talk to. And that's just what I did. I probably talked til I was blue in the face about the injustice that I had received. What had I ever done to someone to piss Karma off so bad? When listening to myself speak to the therapist I saw, I was disgusted, revolted. I couldn't believe that I had let things get so out of hand. When had I lost the tight control that I had over my life and feelings? I normally always keep myself in check and it was quite obvious, I had let myself go. I am honestly surprised that I didn't have a nervous breakdown with how paranoid that I was about how the world was out to get me.

Some of the best things that I was told included:

- Talk about it. Don't hold anything back, say exactly how you feel about any given situation. Don't bottle it up (which I am notorious for), bottling things up will just make things a whole lot worse.

- Forgive those who were involved in your pain. Forgiving the ones who caused you pain, doesn't mean that you condone what they did. It means that you are releasing yourself from the hurt they caused.

- Put your problems away. There are lots of things in life that you will never ever forget. A lot of traumatic experiences are among them. Don't forget what you went through, just put it away and remember that it happened in the past and that's where it needs to stay.

And that is exactly what I did. It was probably some of the best advice I have ever received. So do I think that time heals all wounds? No, not at all. It may make the pain cease a bit, not be so raw after a while. But it doesn't heal wounds. You are the one in control of your life, therefore you heal your wounds, in time. The past is the past. There's nothing anyone can do or say to go back and change things. It's what you go through, where you are tested, how you react, how you keep pushing through that makes the past worth it. To know that even though you were burned so badly before, but here you are standing tall, walking positive and proud. Not letting a thing from the past get under your skin and ready to tackle on the next wave that attempts to crash down on you.

2 readers thoughts:

Amanda♥Lynne said...

Very true, dear. I am a firm believer in me. I alone am the one that controls my actions-all of them, outward and inward. I control not only what I say and how I act, but how I choose to feel about what's been done to me, choosing to forgive, choosing love instead of hate, choosing to live life in a positive way. We all have the ability to choose to live our lives, instead of feeling as if we are victim to them. I'm glad you're moving past the past.

Erica Ann said...

Thank you! I have been feeling so inspired lately to write about what I am doing and have done to make me a better person. And when I see it written, even if it's online, I feel so much better about having it in the open. I totally agree with everything you said!