Monday, March 22, 2010


"Conflict cannot survive without your participation." ~ Wayne Dyer

I have realized a lot that this quote is absolutely true. If you pay no mind to conflicts, problems, drama, etc, if you ignore it... It will eventually die out. The person on the other end will eventually get bored trying to get you to respond and give up. Or maybe they will realize how ridiculous they are being and change their ways.  Maybe they will decide that they have been immature for long enough and that it's time to be a grown up.

The longer you do not accept the consequences for your actions and take responsibility for the things you do and the hurtful things you say and do to other people, the worse off you are going to be in the long run. People who intentionally hurt others or do hurtful things to others are just trying to make others lives look worse than their life is. You are most likely unhappy with your life and have a lot of problems that you don't want to address so you make someone elses life look worse than yours to make yourself feel better.

There is no logic behind it. Putting another down in order to make yourself feel better. We are all people, we all have feelings. Just because you can act strong on the outside doesn't mean that's how people are on the inside. 

I have done some hurtful things to others in my life. I don't normally regret things because my mistakes make me a better person because I learn from the right and wrong choices I have made in the past. But I do regret intentionally hurting people I used to care about. At the same time, it has helped me realize the mistakes I have made in the past and it has helped shape the great friendships that I have now because I know better than to repeat my past. 

Despite what a lot of people may think, there's only a few people who have truly gotten to me, gotten under my skin and I have been pretty nasty in response back to them. For a while, last year, there was a lot of problems going on, not necessarily with me but the people I was around. Being an associate, I got stuck in the middle more or less, then flung myself head first into the pit after a while. The "side" I was on, didn't do much in response but say things. Not that that made any of us better than anyone else. Needless to say, things got way out of hand and it was beyond immature. So one day, I said screw it and decided to meet up with the "other side" to attempt to get everything to stop. I made my point during the meet up, I told the truth, I said how I felt and what I was prepared to do if everything didn't end. And it seemed like things were going to calm down which was such a good feeling. Little did I know that shortly after things would escalate into problems much, much worse than I had ever thought in my wildest dreams they could be.

A few months down the road, some friendships had shifted, new ones were created, some friendships ended. I thought things were great, life was great, my family was great and my friends were great. Little did I know that soon after, I would see exactly who my friends were and who was malicious and willing to do anything for their so called "vengeance."

It would figure that when I let my guard down around people that shit would hit the fan. And it did. There was a ridiculously stupid argument that got out of hand because there was alcohol involved. People said things they should have. Friendships were broken because of harassment and lies. 

In the end, I had DCF called on me, JSO, and NCIS investigate because of lies that had spun from this argument. My friend had to get a restraining order on one of the girls. Through it all, I stayed strong and knew that I had not done anything wrong or what they were attempting to accuse me of.  I have a great group of friends that were there for any and all support that I needed. And with the help from my husband, his command, our family and friends; we pulled through and made it out on top and rose above the people that where trying to bring us down.

Only a few people have known the details of the things that have transpired over the last few months. But with me going home to be with my family and friends in NY soon, I feel before I leave Florida for a while, I need to close that chapter of my life and get it out in the open. Accept it for what it is and move on, because I knew that I didn't do anything wrong and all of the agencies that were called to try to get me in trouble for lies, know that I didn't do anything wrong. I am willingly throwing everything out there so that I can look at this later on and realize how much I have truly grown and learned to appreciate the good people in life and steer clear of the bad ones.

Through everything, I have ignored every attempt that those people who I used to call friend, have done to me. I have not let the conflict they so desperately wanted, effect me. If someone asked me about it, I would tell the truth. I would tell them exactly what they did to me, not to make them be my friend (cause personally I could care less, I have GREAT friends!) but to warn them of the malicious things these women are capable of and are MORE than willing to do. If they felt it necessary to find out for themselves, than more power to them and I pray very much that they don't have to endure any part of what my friends and I had been put through. I still get text messages from one of the women, about once a month, late at night. Normally I wake up the next morning and see them. I don't respond for many reasons. First, me responding would be giving her exactly what she wanted. And I'm a bitch, regardless of the changes I am making, I will always be one. I won't give someone the satisfaction of getting me to give in to ridiculous attempts to start drama. Second, I have nothing that needs to be said. Constantly trying to bring me down, you won't ever succeed. Third, I am the better person and I know it. I have done NOTHING wrong, I have done NOTHING to keep things going. I have carried on with my life and risen above the trials that I have been put up against. 

It feels so good to get all of this out there, off my chest. To see it "written" down, makes me happy because I now know that it is truly, 100% behind me. That I am moving on from that chapter and will be taking some life lessons from that portion of my life and rising above to become an even better person. 

I am not overly religious. I do believe in a higher power. And I don't think that higher power will or ever has given me anything in life that I could not handle. With everything that has happened since I have been in Florida, I know exactly how strong of a person I am. I know that I am a good person, that I can rise above some of the worst things that could ever happen to a person and be totally fine. I am the luckiest person in the world. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally, supports me 100%. I have the best children a woman could ever ask for, who I love more than anything in the world. I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for. My family is completely amazing and supportive. My friends are the most supportive, caring people ever. Not a single one of them is like anyone I have been friends with before in Florida. They share absolutely no qualities that the people I am not friends with anymore have. They are truly amazing and I am beyond blessed to have them. As I am truly blessed with my husband, children and family. 

I have learned that everything happens for a reason. Bad things happen to good people. But it's never more than you can handle and get through. There will always be obstacles and trials that will hurt you. But as long as you stay strong and have a great supportive unit around you, you can make it through anything. 

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