Thursday, April 8, 2010

Pity Party.

Normally I am not the person who has a pity party or anything. But I kind of feel like venting my sadness here and get it out. I miss my husband. It feels like he's been gone forever and it's been less than a week. I don't know how I'm going to get through months and months of this. The loneliness is killing me and to put the cherry on top of it, I left Florida. Which for me is a good thing to be in NY with my family and friends. But I have such a good supportive group of friends. And I have been making myself feel horrible because I took the easy way and ran home once my husband left. I feel like I can't be there for any of my friends because I'm so far away. I feel like my husband is going to be gone forever, I don't know how I'm going to be mommy and daddy to two kids for x amount of months. The last time I had to play both rolls, I only had Kaley. I worked and I worked and I was with Kaley when I wasn't working. Not the case now. Oh and I also saw him about every 5 months for a year and a half then. 

I have only broke down twice, which for me is good, but the second time was my fault because I listened to an INSANELY sad song. I'm not a very emotional person about damn near everything except him and the kids. I almost had an anxiety attack watching them pull the anchor right before they left. I had to leave the pier, but when I got the kids in the car and the car started, I could feel him watching me and I realized that I parked directly across from where he was standing and I froze. I sat there staring at the ship from the time it left until I couldn't see it anymore. Hysterical.

I know that I'm just being a big baby right now and I know that in a couple weeks I will be ok. It's just getting to the "ok" part that's going to feel like forever. I just miss him...

3 readers thoughts:

Leelers♥ said...

Oh darling. I say that you are more than welcome to have whatever pity party that u want. Its natural if u didnt feel this way, then I think everyone would be a little concerned. It does get easier though. You just have to remember you have to be strong for your sailor, and your babies. Be positive, Hold your head high and at night when noone is looking cry if it makes you feel better. We are all here for you if u need us.. you know that.

Erica said...

Thank you so much! You are so sweet!!

Brooketini! said...

broke own and sobbed listening to a song....it was baaaaaaaaad. How is that possible? it's not like i'm .... nevermind.... ugh!